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Adoption Story: Part 2

March 13, 2011

So, like I said in part 1. We had been given a mountain of paper work which took us a while to finish. We turned it in in February. Also during that month we attended a one day seminar that all of the adoption agencies in Nashville had come together to put on. It was for families who had started the adoption process. We had my parents and James’ parents attend it too because it was important to us that they receive the same information we were. I remember looking around the room at maybe 80-100 other couples who were all trying to adopt. They were all a bit older than us, looked really put together, and through talking to some of them I heard many different stories on what led them to that room. I left the day thinking “Wow, if this comes down to qualification then they have it and we don’t.” I mean I had just turned 23 and was just there because we just wanted to adopt, and felt like it was the time for us. These people were there because they had tried and tried to have a baby and could not. They had planned financially to be parents, worked nice jobs, drove nice cars, had nice houses. James and I worked for a church and did odd jobs on the side. With just the two of us we were making enough money, but only because James was working about 50+ hours a week. All of this to say we were the odd balls in the room. We were also one of the only few couples who stayed in for a session on inter-racial adoption. I had been told that most people adopted healthy Caucasian babies, but this really made it clear to me.  To some people just adopting because you want to sounds heroic (never crossed our minds, but people say stuff to that effect to us all the time), some people are offended by it because I did not have to go through years of infertility or some other tragic experience, and some people see it like we do: all children deserve a family and we are good at loving so why not us? I mean God has given us all of the resources we need to take care of a child and he just wants people who are willing to do it. I am not in any way trying to down play the legit feelings, emotions, struggles, etc that are attached to infertility I am just saying that in my opinion I feel it is unfair and sad that a lot of the adoption world would choose to look down on us and others like us when there are so many children in need of a home. Trust me it happened. Some people straight up said things, and some people did not have to because it was on their faces. Just trying to be honest here. I even had one woman say “Abby, why would you adopt? God gave you a womb for a reason.” Whoa. True story.

A week or so after that day we went in to Caring Choices to have a scheduled meeting. It was the second meeting and the first one that James was able to attend. At that meeting they talked to both of us at the same time. It was a brief meeting and went over a lot of the same info from the first meeting. We talked about what the next steps were: 1) fill out the second out of many rounds of paperwork 2) then we would have one-on-one interviews 3) have a home-study 4) then in the fall we would attend classes about adoption and parenting 5) we would then be able to make a profile that would be taken to birth mothers. 6) try to wait patiently.

We got our second round of paper work done pretty quickly and turned it in because for some reason there was a sense of urgency deep in my heart. So they called us to come in and do our one-on-one interviews not long after that. The way those interviews work is James is questioned by our case worker individually while I sit in another room and wait, then I go in and do the same while he waits. The purpose is just so that they can see if both individuals are on the same page about the whole process. I was naturally a bit nervous before we went in this day. But I  also had this crazy excitement. While in the car something came over me and I looked at James and said “Hey, I know this is not a realistic scenario at all but I would not be at all surprised if we went in today and after the interview they said ‘we have a baby for you'” Now, I am not an idiot, so I know that is not how it usually works, but something inside of me just knew something was up. *Side note: I worked in a daycare at the time as a floater and was often in the teeny-baby-infant room. Every time I held one of those babies, I got this sense that my turn was closer than I realized* Back to the story, so James being the sweet and logical husband that he is tried to bring me back to earth by saying something like,  “babe, they have already told us it was going to be years, I believe like you that it is going to be faster than that, but they are not going to say that today. We still have not had a home-study, taken the classes, done the paperwork. There are so many hoops we still have to jump through”.

So we went in, had the interviews and at the end we set a date for our home-study. They also went ahead and gave us some sample parent profiles to look at so we could think about what we would include in ours. A parent profile is basically a mini scrap-book of your life. You can include pictures and any info you may want the birth mother to consider. Many people decorate theirs and make it really crafty. I was excited about the thought of picking out pictures and stories to include. So, we went home and of course nothing was said about a baby.Our profile WOULD NOT have included these pictures.

Okay, I probably would have included this next one. It includes Nugget, our first born son.

So after that meeting James and I went on with our normal routine. James and I were youth pastors at the time and we both had second jobs. James also worked full time at a car shop and I worked part time at a daycare.( I laugh at the fact that we thought our lives were busy then.) So six days later I am at work in the two year old room and got a call from our case worker. It went something like this ” Abby, I have something to talk to you about. We have a birth mother who has looked at all of the profiles of parents I thought she might like and she has chosen none of them. I mentioned to her that there was one other couple I thought she might be interested in but that they were really young and had only been married a year and a half (that’s me). When I told her a bit more about you she became very interested. I was wondering, if you are interested, if I could come over to your house tomorrow, do your home study, do all of the remaining paper-work, and collect some pictures of you guys to take and show her? I will be giving her photos from you and James and one other couple.” Mind you, I can barely breathe at this moment so talking was not easy either. I think I mumbled something like “yes, that sounds great” . She went on to tell me some more of the details and we almost ended the call before I thought to ask a very important question. You see my mind was not really working, my concept of time had just left, but I managed to finally think to ask “When is the baby due?” This is when she says, “Oh, right. That is the thing. The baby is due three weeks from today. You would bring him home from the hospital. Do you think you are ready to be a mom in three weeks?” “yes.” That was the beginning of the longest week of my life, as I waited to hear if the birth mother had chosen us or the other family. I think I will leave you with that until part three. It only gets better and crazier, so stay tuned!

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. March 13, 2011 2:53 am

    I’m on the edge of my seat!!!

  2. Meg permalink
    March 13, 2011 3:13 am

    I LOVE THIS STORY!!!! makes me so happy as I’m sitting here working 🙂

  3. lactatingbookworm permalink
    March 13, 2011 11:08 am

    Wow!

  4. March 13, 2011 1:19 pm

    this is such a gorgeous story… cant wait for the next part. and you look so happy!

  5. March 13, 2011 5:39 pm

    Love your blog, will be back to read more tonight, too much housework to do now : (

  6. March 13, 2011 8:26 pm

    Adoption makes me so sad until I hear a story like yours. I LOVE that you chose to adopt even with a happy uterus. You “chose” a baby rather than “settling” for one as I feel some do. Your story makes me smile.

  7. Angie Casey permalink
    March 13, 2011 8:47 pm

    Oh, Abby, I am loving this! Don’t make us wait too long for part 3!!

  8. March 14, 2011 3:33 am

    Even though we’re older, our adoption happened in a very simliar way to yours. The birthparents couldn’t find anyone but we’d just entered the local adoption pool and didn’t have our profiles done or anything so the agency just faxed then our homestudy and we met the next business day! It was crazy. I have to take issue a little bit with brinnicole. We could not conceive and went to a fertility climic just to find out if we actually could or if we were crazy. When we found out we could not, we looked at each other and said “adoption?!” and never looked back. We could not be happier. And I don’t think our son could be more wanted or more loved.

  9. Finger Lakes Travel Maven permalink
    March 16, 2011 2:01 am

    Abby –

    A great story! Thank you for sharing. I’m looking forward to part 3. The woman I had on my show last night had an experience very similar to yours where the family thought they’d be waiting for a long time when they got a call saying, “the Mom’s picked you and the baby was born yesterday!” She had to call into work and say, “I can’t come in today. We’re having a baby!”

  10. March 17, 2011 3:08 am

    Absolutely beautiful story. When the time is right, I know I will adopt too, even though I have a fertile womb (or a ‘happy uterus’ as another comment said! :] ) Your story just inspires me more, and I look forward to sharing the wonderful experience of adopting so many other mothers, like you, have had. Thanks so much for sharing, and I can’t wait until part three!

  11. March 20, 2011 5:28 pm

    I am literally beaming with happiness reading your story! I’m off to part three…

  12. April 6, 2011 4:38 am

    @Karmavore – I am genuinely sorry you were offended by my comment. Note that I said “some” choose to adopt because it is their only option – not all. I have known adoptees who never felt truly loved or wanted by their parents because infertility resentment was not resolved prior to adopting. Having placed my firstborn son for adoption seven months ago it would absolutely crush me if he ever felt like his parents only wanted him because they could not conceive on their own. Keep in mind my comment was in response to someone telling Abby she should not adopt if she could conceive, not the other way around. I hope that clears up what my intentions were and again I am sorry I offended you.

Trackbacks

  1. Adoption is Always a Choice « Family, by Choice
  2. Adoption/Infertility. « loved_BE.

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