So Tiago is our son. He came home that day on May 2nd 2009 and these last two years have been the best years of my life. I am not naive enough to think that all of the anxiety and issues that could be associated with this adoption ended the day that we got the call telling us Tiago’s birth mother had chosen us and we were going to be parents. There are a lot of things that parents of adopted children have to consider.
When do you tell them they are adopted?
What if they say things like, “you are not my mom.” How will I respond? What will that feel like?
What if he feels left out or awkward because Jude is biological and he is not?
What if he is self conscious about the fact that he is likely to be a foot taller than all of us short Beuerleins’s?
What if he is curious about his birth family?
etc. etc. etc………
I mean, I have heard some pretty interesting adoption stories. Some of them are beautiful and the most beautiful picture of true love, and some of them are heart wrenching stories of sadness. I know that there is no way to at this moment what my precious Tiago will struggle with. I also know that I love him more than anything and that that will never change no matter what challenges we may face.
We have already begun to answer some of the questions above. Starting from the day Tiago was born we started using the word “adopted”. We occasionally say things like, “We are so glad we adopted you.” or simply, “You are adopted.” Also, we specifically chose an open adoption so that Tiago would be able to be in relationship with his birth family. So far we have gotten together with his birthmother, her mom and stepdad, and her sister multiple times. Each time is always a little bit awkward mainly because there are all sorts of unspoken expectations on everyone’s part. I wonder if she is pleased with the way we have raised him, I wonder if she wants to hold him, if she approves of what we are feeding him, I wonder if she wants to talk about how she would do things if she was raising him. We typically just talk about all of his achievements and developments. When he got his teeth, what he has been doing in school. We tell her about his friends and how he loves choo-choo trains. The conversation is usually easy and we feel comfortable with them. There are just always so many unspoken things under the surface. I think that is probably true with most open adoptions.
We also, have chosen to be open with him that he has siblings. I understand that there are sometimes adoptions where it is either not possible or perhaps in extreme cases not in the child’s best interest to make them aware of these things (maybe). But for us, it just seems obvious. We have a domestic adoption and were provided with the info to contact the adoptive parents of his siblings. Last year Tiago got to meet his half brother and half sister. Unfortunately he was teething and in a super grumpy mood that day. Hopefully, we will be able to get together with them in the next few months and they can see him in his normal silly fun state. Tiago will not have to grow up wondering “do I have siblings that I don’t know about?…. what does my birth mother look like?… Is that woman over there that looks kinda like me possibly my birth mom?”
I guess this post is more of a ramble than anything, but it is just where we are at with all of these questions.
Today Tiago and I had a mommy-son date. We went to the farmer’s market, sat on a choo choo train, and went to a coffee shop. He had so much fun flipping through a car magazine and eating his oat bar. He really thought he was big stuff.
This post is in response to the Open Adoption Round Table Discussion. Click the link to check out responses from other families.
Hey there blog friends! Don’t forget to read and leave a comment on yesterdays post for a chance to win an incredible fitness video!
Rest. Do you rest? We are all so busy. I mean look at James and I we are both full time students, we have two monkeys (children), we are both training for triathlons, James is getting additional training outside of school in a chiropractic office, we have friends and family to connect with, I am getting my life coaching going and have some really awesome clients. All of these things take time and sooo much energy. Sometimes I get going so fast that I have no clue all that I have accomplished or neglected until someone slows me down, like yesterday.
When it comes to being in the best shape of your life rest is crucial. I am not good at it. I mean I do go to bed early most nights, but when I am awake I am like the energizer bunny (but thank God I am not that ugly shade of pink….yeck.)
James had to have an intervention with me yesterday. I had not realized that I had gone 8 days without taking a day off of exercising. This intervention conveniently came the day after one of the most intense workouts I have done in a long time. I was so sore yesterday that a day off was much needed. James stressed that I needed some rest. Here’s what I did with my day:
Got my chiropractic adjustment
Bought some Father’s Day gifts
Had lunch by myself at a Mediterranean restaurant I had been wanting to try (I love going to restaurants by myself every now and then)
Came home and laid in the bed for an hour and a half (never quite fell asleep)
Posted a blog
Went to my last class of the quarter (psychology of motivation and emotion, which was a great class)
Came home and worked on some life coaching stuff with James
This is about 2957935723 times more restful than my normal routine. The funny thing is that I had to fight the urge to do ab exercises ALL day long. Addicted much? Ha. I mean, I seriously had to tell myself over and over “Your body needs rest, I know you want to do C-curve ab exercises or planks or scissor kicks, BUT your body needs to rest.”
Exercise is so important but if you do not take a day once a week to rest your body is going to get worn out. Your muscles need time to recover. You may also be more prone to injury if you do not take a break. Now, don’t get me wrong. If you want to see a change in your physical appearance and fitness level you need to exercise at least 5 times a week and HARD. Remember….uncommon effort= uncommon results. So, go for it. Just remember the importance of rest.
What do you do to intentionally rest on your days off of exercise, school, and or work??? Don’t have a chance to rest? What would be your ideal way to relax?
Yay! I love giving stuff away, and today I have an awesome DVD that is up for grabs. In a couple of posts I have mentioned an exercise called Max T3. This is a program that takes 12 minutes or less a day. If you have not exercised in a long time, this will be a great way to get started. If you currently exercise almost every day like me this will just be something to add that doesn’t take much time, but will increase the results you see in your fitness across the board. Most of you know that I am training for some triathlons. I truly feel that doing this Max T3 program as well as running, swimming, biking, and of course my favorite barre gives me an edge that I would not have without it. I did the DVD series every day for the whole entire month before my first triathlon taking one day of rest a week, and it made a tremendous impact on my performance. Also, be sure to check out the Max T-3 website and click on the “principle” section to read about how this program increases your metabolic heart rate and causes you to burn fat for hours after you have completed the workout.
You are going to see even better results than from a program like p90x and this takes far less than half the time. Win Win!
This is a $35 value and comes with 2 discs with 6 workouts on them each. So, 12 total workouts. Each day has a bonus on it as well. All you have to do is leave me a comment telling me of a fitness goal that you have. Tell me your goal, what action steps you are taking to achieve it, and when you intend on achieving it by. I will put all of the names in a hat to draw on Sunday so be sure to leave your comment by Saturday night.
This is the USDA’s new tool for helping people, especially children eat “healthy”. Oh wow. I meant to do a post on this the day it came out and totally forgot until now. The thing is, I really like the concept. I think it is much better than a pyramid. Most Americans eat 3 meals a day. And for those of you who eat 4-6 small meals a day this could still be applied. IF ONLY IT WERE HEALTHY PROPORTIONS!
I am not a scientist, nutritionist, or professional anything but my common sense is pretty keen. I can not possibly understand why anyone would think that you need equal amounts of fruits, veggies, grains, and protein. Fruit=sucralose/sugar. Yes, fruit is certainly the best option for something sweet, but YES you can also have too much fruit. I know that sounds foreign to some people, but it is true. I think the best rule of thumb is to always make sure that the majority of your plate or meal container is vegetables of some sort. Try to keep it green or orange. Color is key. If you are going to do grains be choosy. Try and stick with ancient grains like quinoa, Ezekiel breads, etc. Things that are made to break down easily in the body and won’t slow you down. I would suggest that you stay away from ANY and ALL white breads, pastas, rices, pastries, etc. because they quickly break down to sugar in your body. No bueno. Also, dairy is really hard on the body too. Raw dairy is the way to go if you are going to have it at all. Pasteurized dairy has been heated so high that the important nutrients are gone. It is also linked to a lot of health problems.
Here are some plates with a little bit different proportions than the one above.
Yes? No? Don’t know? How would you know, if you did know? Hmmmmmm.
James and I have gotten some pretty interesting questions from friends, family, strangers, and more since we decided to go down the path we are on. “Why the focus on health?” “Why chiropractic?” “Why do you eat like you do?” and so many more. A question I like to ask in response is “Are you healthy?” “How do you know?” Most of the time I hear a lot of the same answers. They are answers that I probably would have given had I been asked these same questions 2 or 3 years ago.
“Yeah, I am healthy. I know because I feel great, haven’t gained any weight in a while, and I don’t get sick very often.”
“What are you doing to maintain health?” …”Well, I dunno. I mean I eat okay I guess and I exercise every now and then. I don’t feel like I have to put a lot of effort in to it because I am so healthy already. I guess what I am doing is really working out for me.”
I am now going to propose a thought they may offend some minds. Feeling good does NOT equal health. Many people have been “feeling good” on the day they have been diagnosed with cancer. Many people have “felt good” and been extremely happy with their lives even when morbidly obese. Many people do not know that the spinal cord is extremely important because your nerves are connected from your brain to your body and when your spine is out of place it pinches the nerves and can not get the messages to your organs to function at 100%.
Why the focus on health? Because we can not afford not to from a financial perspective as well as a quality of life perspective. No James and I did not just jump on some trendy health bandwagon. We decided after having kids that we were not just going to take what someone said as the truth when it comes to health. I mean after all there are 5749235784237598327 bajillion health opinions out there. We decided to dig deep and find out what we believed truth health was.
What we have found has changed our lives and many of the lives of people we know. So, yes we are on a mission. Yes, our life may seem extreme. But I would not have it any other way. Would it be easier to just go with the flow of the medical system in this country and do what any medical doctor told us too. Certainly. We would not have to research on our own, stand out from the crowd, or be questioned about everything we do. I totally believe that most medical doctors have great hearts, are extremely intelligent, and in certain circumstances are certainly the way to go. I can not however allow myself anymore to be duped by drug companies that so desire for me and my teeny tiny children to put chemicals in our bodies hat have more side effects than benefits and are a huge reason why people are getting sick in the first place.
Do you feel good today? That is awesome. Really, I mean that. It is awesome. How will you celebrate feeling great today? For me, I choose to celebrate by continuing to take care of my body to the best of my knowledge. To feed it right, train it well, to maximize my mind by eliminating stress and focusing on the positive. Do I have all of the answers? No, of course not. But am I doing my best and applying the principle that the power that created the body, heals the body? Yes. I truly believe that our bodies were created so brilliantly that they know what to do.
Why the focus on health?………….For them –>